My exams are 4 days away. Yet, i havent done anything about it. Nor do i have the urgency to do anything about it.
Im in a state of disillusion and confusion. Why, you asked.
I am at a stage where im searching for my self and social identity. Where do i belong and how do i fit in with the rest of the society? Who am i REALLY? I have no answers.
I am so lost among the society. Everyday is a battle for me. Its a challenge to get through the day and survive. Im tired of going out and dealing with people. I hate living in a society where prejudice and discrimination is so blatant. Its so evident in our way of life, that not many bother to see right thru it. All the classifications of students. All the talk of " YOU HAVE TO GET GOOD GRADES SO YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE." etc. Do we really have to use grades to validate whether we will be successful in life? Does anyone give a hoot if someone gets an "A" in parenting? Isnt that a lesson of life?
I hate to study. I hate to do economics because honestly, i really dont give 2 hoots about it. I lost interest in studying. What is the point? Will i actually learn anything useful out of it? The only reason why i am even putting myself thru this misery is because of my parents and because " having a degree in Singapore is so darn important". So you wont be branded as a loser. HA HA HA! That is just a lot of crap. Thats why the art scene is so dead in Singapore. Nobody cares about it because according to common folklore, you cant get rich being in the art industry here.
So, i graduate and then stick my butt in a cubicle space for the next 30 years of my life until someone kicks me out of my job because im getting old and im turning into a liability for the company.
Oh, another thing i hate, shopping. Yeah. I really hate shopping. I cant get clothes that i like in my size and if i go into some shops to look at something, some staff will just pretend that i dont exist since i cant fit into the clothes, hence im not a potential customer. That is a form of discrimination. Im so so so sorry that i dont have 5 inches off my waist. But that doesnt mean that im not human.
I need to put meanings into my life.
Carina
12:04:00 AM
