I Dont Weep For What I Dont Have. I Weep For What I Lost.
Carina
9:54:00 PM
I wanna go on a vacation. I dont really one.. but i wanna go! My brother is leaving for Australia and he wont be back for a month. My mom is going to Bangkok (AGAIN!!) and she is going to China (AGAIN). Maybe i should just go with her. But i wanna see Europe too! Darn... hmm..Tough tough tough. Typical Singaporean behaviour. I want more more more. :(
Well, sorry to the folks who wanna go to Double O but i am simply not keen to go even on a Sat Day. I am never keen on that place. Another time aye.
Do we have friends just so we will have friends? Do we even care about them? Friendships need to cultivate and be watered like a plant. I am simply in the wrong crowd most of the time.
I dont feel you caring for me. You only need me in times of trouble. I dont want that from you anymore. I dont want you running back.
Carina
9:11:00 PM
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watch the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me
Tonight?
Carina
10:15:00 PM
on Thursday, May 19, 2005
I think i have been behaving very out of my element recently. Although it might not be great excuses, i will attribute it to PMS-ing, fever and just being crazy.
To the folks, who have been made uncomfortable or got freaked out by my behaviour, i am so sorry. I need to tame this lil demonic side of me. LOL Sometimes, it just rear its ugly head. Although, in my defense, I tend to be very "heat-on", i dont listen to my head. Now thats a bad combo too. :S
But on the another point, i am feeling sick sick sick right now. One " sick" just isnt enough to capture the magnitude of the problem. LOL
Yesterday, I was sitting at Macdonalds with Willy. As usual, we started talking again about life, what we want and problems that we both are facing. What is new eh? LOL i will always remember this, " They just make it too darn easy for us to de-root and go,".
But im just happy that i know i have friends who will help me out of the hole.
Merci Beaucoup Monsieur Eric, I dont know what to do if you are not there to give me comfort and advice in time of despair. * okkk dramatic* But i mean it. Thats the best thing being out of TVM and joining Pink Powers. Hmm No Caelis.. i still like you and DomiDeus. LOL
All these gave me a great idea of what to do for my holidays. I cant wait. LOL Im going to go " look for myself". Im just really confused and i need to feel or rather, get in control again.
I wish of blue birds in the spring,
To give your heart a song to sing,
And then a kiss, but more than this,
I wish you love.
I wish you health,
And more than wealth,
I wish you love.
Carina
11:34:00 AM
on Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Btw, im listening to Renee Olstead at the moment.
Check it out : www.reneeolstead.com
Carina
5:52:00 PM
I am not done with my exams yet and im already planning for my holidays!
Things I Wanna Do Hopefully
- Go to Europe! ( The architecture, history, beauty, passion.. Italia here i come! )
- Continue to tag along with Will to the gym.
- Shoot hoops * Did that yesterday and i loved it!* I miss playing b-ball.
- Club, club, club! Although i wont do it like every weekend! I got so toxicated that i felt like shit.. not to mention the pimples on my face! EWWWW!
- Sentosa( Suntanning, Kayaking, beach volleyball, magararitas- Oh I cant wait! Me, on a beach towel, reading.. Hmmm Heaven)
- Do my annual museum tour
- Book scraping.
- Go on a short Msia trip. I miss Tioman! QI QI, when are we going again? Or should we go to BKK this time?
- Cook more ( I have been lazy. These days, i just make turkey breast and ham sandwiches.. Lazy Lazy Lazy)
- Spend my day at Borders and HMV. I miss the smell of literature. And there are so many cds that i wanna get.
- Miniature golf!
- Cycling
- Go out with my dear Patsy. I used to bring her on short adventures around Singapore when she was a little girl. But i havent done that in years. Time to start again.
- Go for body massage.. need to work those kinks out.
- Get " The Simpsons" and " Futurama" dvds.. im dying to watch them
- Work ( Yup, thats the last option- Wa ha ha..) Anyone wanna hire me?
I a lil stressed now. Going to get myself some sushi and tiramisu.
Have a good day folks. Toodles!
Carina
5:08:00 PM
My exams are 4 days away. Yet, i havent done anything about it. Nor do i have the urgency to do anything about it.
Im in a state of disillusion and confusion. Why, you asked.
I am at a stage where im searching for my self and social identity. Where do i belong and how do i fit in with the rest of the society? Who am i REALLY? I have no answers.
I am so lost among the society. Everyday is a battle for me. Its a challenge to get through the day and survive. Im tired of going out and dealing with people. I hate living in a society where prejudice and discrimination is so blatant. Its so evident in our way of life, that not many bother to see right thru it. All the classifications of students. All the talk of " YOU HAVE TO GET GOOD GRADES SO YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE." etc. Do we really have to use grades to validate whether we will be successful in life? Does anyone give a hoot if someone gets an "A" in parenting? Isnt that a lesson of life?
I hate to study. I hate to do economics because honestly, i really dont give 2 hoots about it. I lost interest in studying. What is the point? Will i actually learn anything useful out of it? The only reason why i am even putting myself thru this misery is because of my parents and because " having a degree in Singapore is so darn important". So you wont be branded as a loser. HA HA HA! That is just a lot of crap. Thats why the art scene is so dead in Singapore. Nobody cares about it because according to common folklore, you cant get rich being in the art industry here.
So, i graduate and then stick my butt in a cubicle space for the next 30 years of my life until someone kicks me out of my job because im getting old and im turning into a liability for the company.
Oh, another thing i hate, shopping. Yeah. I really hate shopping. I cant get clothes that i like in my size and if i go into some shops to look at something, some staff will just pretend that i dont exist since i cant fit into the clothes, hence im not a potential customer. That is a form of discrimination. Im so so so sorry that i dont have 5 inches off my waist. But that doesnt mean that im not human.
I need to put meanings into my life.
Carina
12:04:00 AM
on Thursday, May 05, 2005
I am so seriously pissed that it is not even funny right now.
Sorry if i have unconventional thoughts. I dont fit in with the " normal " folks, depending on what your definition of normal is. Sorry if im not "mainstream". Maybe, like what my brother said, we are just 2 social misfits. But then again, why should i be punished for being different? Why should i be molded into the same thing? Why do we all have to be the same?
Im not going to take the " Oh thats just the way it is society ," crap.
I hate being pissed because i like to live each day like my last. HAPPY.
Quote:
Eleanor Roosevelt:
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Carina
6:03:00 PM
