on Saturday, October 22, 2005
Perhaps, its an accumulation of mixed emotions i didnt know about for a very long time. Maybe it was because of him or the pictures. I felt a dull and uneasy ache. We have not seen each other for 6 years. Its been way too long and far. He shouldnt remember what i told him before. I shouldnt remember what he said in the past.The frickin ocean should just disappeared. Root of evil. I just have to keep telling myself, " Its all in my head,". It is never easy. Its always a vicious cycle.
One thing lead to another. Argh. That probably triggered the whole panicky state i was in today. Hyperventilating, anxiety attacks? I have no clue.
To the one who had to deal with my neurosis late at night, i am so sorry. I should have known better. I apologised for my ridiculous crap. You really didnt need to hear it nor deal with it especially when you have deadlines to meet. I just got real panicky. I should learn how to deal with it better.
I am truly sorry.I have to learn not to choke. It cant happen again.
Carina
10:53:00 PM
