on Thursday, December 02, 2004
Someone.. please gag me. Really. Just gag me.
Or just give me some shot that will numb me.
They say that behind every successful man, there is always a supportive woman. So i guess behind every successful woman, there is a supportive man.
Unfortunately, i am not successful. Neither do i have a supportive man behind my back. You see, the men in my house are well.... let me think of nicer ways to put it. No i cant find any. They are just Male Chauvinist pigs. Mega MCPs.
Dont make any mistakes, i love them. I mean i love my family but seriously, the MCP-ness is really driving me nuts. Dont i deserve a say? Dont i deserve to be hear out?
I am tired. I really am. I can feel myself cringing, " You know what Carina? Fuck this. You are never gonna please everyone. You are never gonna be the perfect daughter that they want. Why the fuck are you trying so hard for? ". I repeated that to myself countless times but it failed. Always. Never worked once. So what the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, i heard it all before. " Oh, they just want the best for you" etc. But is that really a reason or an excuse?
An hour ago....
X: Those people spent like few hundreds of dollars voting for those idols. That is insane. The teenage girls screaming like that! Insane.
C: That is just the way it works. Even if u dont like XXX, if he won, you would still have to accept it.
X: Chasing idols are crazy.
C: That is just the way it works.
X: If those girls are so free, they should do some housework and see what is there to do. That is more conductive and useful. Those business people behind the whole thing must be so happy to see them going crazy over some idol.
C: But that is business. Its the same thing like Fei Yu Ching. Those aunties are the same way. It is the music industry.
X: But those girls are crazy!
C: Well you cant really judge them like that bcos we all have our own sets of rights and wrongs. *before i could even finished........
X: Okay i dont wanna talk now. Dont want to argue.
C: It is not arguing loh. I am just saying that we should respect....
*AGAIN, before i could even finished......*
X: I dont want to hear it.
*X walks to the kitchen and comes right out...*
X: No point arguing over this kind of things....
C: *silence*
X: *Grumbles about the other parent."
C:*silence*
X: The "other parent" is like shit. Think is the king or queen is it? *blah blah blah*
C: CAN U ALL JUST STOP IT???
X: Yah lah... u just side with the "other parent" ...
C: *silence*
After that...
D: * BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH*
I should have just shut up right from the start. I know. I should have just sit there and not say a word like so many other times before. I just get blamed for everything. If i dont say anything.. then its " Bo hoo! No one in my family talks to me etc". So okay. I will lie. But hey, they dont like it when i lie to them. So tell me! I cant be honest, i cant lie, i cant be quiet! Then just what the fuck they want from me? JUST WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO PLEASE EVERYONE???!!!!
I am not those girls who can be just happy being at home and doing housechores. I do my share alright? I clean my room, do my own laundry and fold the clothes for the family when i can. Just because i didnt fold the clothes for 2 days, dont give me the attitude like i owe you your laundry or something alright??!!!
No of course not. Maybe i am just imaginating. Maybe i am just hallucinating the times where you can stand there and "argue" with your other child for hours. Hey thats discussion. Im sure. Serious discussions. But if its me, i "argue".
Yup. I like the other parent more than you. Thats weird because the other parent said i favour you more. So can you tell me what i should do? Sit there and listen to the grumbles of how you hate each other or could you just hand me those window keys? I would be really glad to end it myself.
Carina
10:20:00 PM
