on Saturday, March 11, 2006
Its the weekend... again.
I am not excited about weekends anymore. Maybe that is because i am not working yet so i dont feel the need to do the whole "Chill out" routine before the hit of Monday blues.
I cant even be angry or pretend to be that way for long. It takes me about ten seconds to put on an angry face before bursting out in laughter. I have been called a "loser" for my inability to be angry or at least stay that way. I guess "losers" take on many forms.
Maybe i am just numb. Or in denial.
The things that i am really pissed about, i find it extremely difficult to "confront" or share it with anyone without being prejudiced, ridiculed or subjected to mockery of any sort.
Time check: 11.05 pm
I am angry. I have been angry.
Angry with people wasting my time.
Angry with people who take me as "half-time show fillers". Im not a cheerleader.
Angry with people who take me as their "entertainment monkey".
Angry with people who come to me
ONLY when they need my help or want me to relieve their boredom. HELLO! Think of something and go do it! Talking to me wont make your life more interesting. Do i look like i have Xbox360 stamped on my forehead?
Angry with people who think that "real" friendships are so bloody easy to maintain. Sure, i can talk to you once in a blue moon too. I can call you a friend because i know your first name.
Angry with people who want everything out of me and leave me with so little of everything else.
Angry with people who treat me like a robot. I have feelings too. I need a listening ear too. I laugh, I cry, I blush, I hurt.
Angry at myself for being a bloody fool. I should have known better. Been there, done that. I can do it again.
Angry at myself for making all the same old mistakes again.
Angry at myself for allowing them to get to me.
Time check: 11.15pm
I am not a loser.
Carina
11:20:00 PM
